I’ve been thinking of sharing my ruminations on life for a long time. But who would be interested? Where should I start? Isn’t it all a bit narcissistic? Would it be too risqué/boring/pretentious/unenlightening? The list of self-defeating adjectives is endless. Because that’s what most of us are good at. Bigging up others and putting ourselves down.
Today I thought, “get on with it, you know you want to, you know you can do it”. See, as well as all the negative self-talk, I’ve also started to ‘big myself up’. I know I’m a good person, that I care about people and enjoy enabling them to reach their potential. But it’s a battle. Good girls don’t boast. Good girls don’t talk about themselves. They certainly don’t bare their souls to any Tom, Dick or Harry. Reality is, I’ve bared more than my soul to numerous Toms, Dicks and Harrys, so why worry now?!
Since stepping back from the corporate world and becoming a counsellor, I’ve been exploring what made me live my life as I have to this point. What drove me to work myself to the point of physical and mental exhaustion? Why, at times, do I feel guilty for not being a better mother and daughter? Why can’t I get fit and stay fit? Behind all of those questions lies deep-rooted beliefs about myself. Could I change my beliefs? Should I? I’ve spent three years in therapy during my training. It was a tough and challenging time, yet it was the most enlightening, the most joyful. I ended relationships, embraced new ones and rebuilt relationships I thought were damaged beyond repair – including with my mother (more about that in future blogs, I’ll ease you in gently!) and my son. Above all, it’s been luxurious, decadent, time just for me. And we all deserve that even if those little voices tell us we don’t.
Through this blog, I want to share how I’ve come to truly know myself, to accept myself for who I’ve been and who I am now, and how I’m learning to love myself. I’ll muse on the day-to-day dilemmas I face in the hope that they might help you view things differently.
I have no idea what I might write about. My life has been ‘interesting’ so there’s plenty of blog fodder there. I might write about families, friendships, sex (I’m a psychosexual and relationship therapist), or just give my opinion on something topical. Or I might just write about me. Because I am enough.
Bear with me, and let me know what you think.